by Jonah King and Callie Taylor
Report Card is a new Connect series where the team brings out their red pens and critical opinions to grade movies, shows, music, or anything worth your attention. First up, Marvel’s box office smash: Deadpool.
Ryan Reynolds Backside: A-
Someone told me you could get a moments of view of Reynolds’ chonga but I didn’t see it. Reynolds’ rear didn’t hide from the camera though stealing several scenes.
Amount of laughter: C
I chuckled every now and again. There weren’t any big LOL moments or stinging zingers that caught my attention. It was as if there was more storytelling and character building and plot development than standard comedy, which is good and bad.
What is his name? Ajax? Francis? Either way he was pretty lame besides being a tortuous fiend.
Love Story?: C+
Why is there a love story in Deadpool? It’s an origin story? Ohhhhh. I get it. It was actually pretty well done as far as modern lovemaking goes with two quirky people, refreshing to see well portrayed in cinema without getting gimmicky.
Use of DMX’s X Gon Give it to Ya: A+
Stop! Drop! Open up shop! Ah damnit that’s the other one..
Deadpool is that kid everyone knows is smart and he applies himself, but he hasn’t really studied hard enough to get the A. So for the final exam he sits in the back corner next to the other kid and picks off a few answers every 5 minutes or so. Good movie, not memorable, pray for a really good sequel.
Ryan Reynolds Backside: A+
There’s something about the suits that are used in superhero movies that perfectly mirrors the amount of butt in the actual comics. Bless Ryan Reynolds and whatever regimen he used to get into anti-hero shape because that booty was very nice. If you were like me, and definitely got a glimpse of that “chonga” Jonah missed during the Project X fire scene, you probably understand my conflicted feelings of being distracted from what should have been an intense scene.
Amount of laughter: B
I actually laughed, quite a bit. The humor was definitely childish, inappropriate, and they made good use of their R-rating. The jokes were obnoxious but perfect for Deadpool. I thought it was hilarious and well-fitting, but I can easily see how someone can not get the humor and or start rolling their eyes half way through. The only real funny parts I disliked were the copious jokes about Francis/Ajax although the decapitation head spelling part definitely got me.
For someone who was supposed to be this horrible villain for the sake of him being a horrible person, Ajax/Francis/Mr. Clean, was an awful villain. I appreciated that he was a person without morals, but he had absolutely nothing to back it up. He waseasily beat and I was much more interested in Cyborg’s character. I almost wish she had traded places with Ajax. She was more powerful, funnier, and overall more interesting.
Love Story that rivals a Nick Sparks novel: B+
First of all, let me start with that I love Morena Baccarin and have ever since she was in Firefly. She was brilliant in Deadpool, and if any woman could love the Wade Wilson presented in this movie, it was her. It was messed up, witty, and cringy, but they were perfect for each other. I definitely teared up when he found out he had cancer even though I knew it was coming. I supportit more than I support Jack and Rose.
X-men Appearances and X-men Brand Hand-jobs : B-
Lowkey, the X-men are my favorite part of Marvel and anytime they appear on screen and it isn’t as terrible as that third movie and/or the Wolverine Origins movie that belongs in the same “didn’t happen” alternate universe that Bridge to Terabithia and the Avatar: The Last Airbender” exist in (The never should’ve been made universe). That being said, I appreciated the amount of references and screen-time that they got. From the first moment that someone very dramatically said the word mutant, a word Disney Marvel can’t, I knew it was going to be an X-men brand love-fest. Now, I did get tired of it in a few places and there were times I rolled my eyes instead of laughing, but I appreciated the sentiment none the less.
I was really worried that this movie would be too much, that the writing would be awful, and they would try entirely too hard. They tried just hard enough that it was painful, but still funny. I enjoyed the movie as a whole and it was a good portrayal of not only Deadpool, but the secondary characters like Negasonic Teenage Airhead were also witty. I enjoyed the mix of origin story and actual story. It’s a lot, but in a good way.